She entered the room, where silent darkness had long found its rest, and she waited. A mixed feeling of longing and fear had befallen her.  She couldn’t even see her hand before her. She wondered: What did I want to do here again? Then she recalled and switched on the light. The bright light startled her eyes; she squinted for a few seconds till they got used to the brightness. As she opened her eyes back to normal, her glance fell right on it, before her, the big black wardrobe, stretching along the entire wall.

A long time had passed since the last time she was here, in this room. She turned around, no pictures on the walls, no other furniture, just the lamp hanging above, casting its light over the black wardrobe. The coldness of the darkness was still sensible, and a shiver ran through her spine. She stared at the wardrobe and its large mirror in the middle, which reflected her image. She edged nearer, and she didn’t like what the mirror showed her. Close enough, she stared into her eyes. “What you did is mortifying! And you will never be able to forget!” She said to herself. She slid the wardrobe door open, pushing her image away.  In front of her lie all the clothes, clothes from a previous life, all in black. Shirts, blouses, tops, trousers, shorts, skirts. All in black. As her life had been, back then.

But down in the corner, one shelf was crammed full of other kinds of clothes. Brightly colored clothes, a corner of a flowered skirt was hanging out. It reminded her of happy times that fell far, far back, before the black epoch arrived. She remembered that, between these happy clothes era, she had hidden the picture, a portrait of him, which she was ashamed to look at. It was his 60th birthday; she had organized a surprise party, to which the whole family had come; it was such a happy day. However, she felt an urge to do it now, ready to overcome her guilty conscience. She stuck her hand between the flowered skirt and the light-blue denim jacket she used to wear, combined with a white T-shirt. And there it was, the cold photo frame. She pulled it out, she turned it over, and there he smiled at her, with that smile she never forgot, because it was the only smile that could warm her heart and give her safety and self-confidence. She recollected his words: “Mary, honey, never forget that I will always be there for you no matter what. I’m your father, and I will love you forever. The only thing I wish is for you to be happy and be at peace.”

But she didn’t know what made her truly happy; she was too young. Furthermore, his illness appeared suddenly, called Cancer. This disease, which immediately makes you think of death. There wasn’t much time left, the doctors said, and she wanted to fulfill his long-standing dream, a trip to Florida.  Of course, there wasn’t much money, since therapy and medication bills were outrageously high. But she didn’t want him to leave this world without his dream fulfilled; she wanted him to leave this world happy and proud of her. In that situation, she saw only one solution and followed that path, which later proved destructive, and she lost that sweet smile forever. She couldn’t be there when he took his last breath. It was at the moment the police arrested her.

Now, 5 years after prison, and after many years of struggling to mend her life, she looked at his picture, seeking to free herself from her regret. She caressed his face and promised: Dad, they say it’s never too late, and I won’t let you down this time and will fulfill your wishes, because I know you are watching me from up above.” Mary’s fiery tears of remorse fell on the frame, and on her dad’s face, and she kissed them as if sealing her promise.

©2026, Vasiliki Papadopoulou

_{image: muddycolors.com, The Left Hand Of Darkness by Vanessa Lemen}